Warren Mars - The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All | Текст песни

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• Warren Mars
• The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All

Old Noah was mucking the Ark out one day,
When he heard a great shriek from the neighbouring stall.
Said he to poor Ham, who was hugging his loins,
"Ah, the hedgehog, my boy, can't be buggered at all."

"The humans are out, if you value your life:
It's incest, my son, since we're relatives all...
Unless you'd make love to your very own wife!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do,
But I have to say this as a warning to you:
With almost all animals, you can have ball,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all."

"The spines on his back are too sharp for a man,
They'll give you a pain in the worst place they can.
The result I think you'll find will appal:
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all."

You can sodomise goats, you can bugger a bull,
Or ream out the hole of a deer with your tool,
The ass in its stable, the ox in its stall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The sheep is a classic, as well you may find,
Of the donkey, be wary when standing behind.
You can bugger the cow, (I will not tell you how),
And the boar, the piglet, the shoat and the sow.
If you're feeling quite coarse, you can bugger the horse,
The pony, the mare, and the stallion of course.
You can bugger alpacas when chained to the wall,
But the hedgehog you never can bugger at all.

The spines on his back are so awfully thick,
You'll end up with naught but a pincushion prick.
He has an impregnable hole in a ball,
Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Mounting a zebra can often be fun,
An elephant too; though it's more than a ton.
For the bush baby's come-to-bed eyes we all fall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger a camel with one hump or two,
Or a blue-arsed baboon, or a monkey in lieu.
If you're that kind of fool, and you have a long tool,
You can try a giraffe, if you stand on a stool.
You can hump a zebu if it doesn't hump you
And a wildebeest's really got something quite gnu.
Or perhaps try a leopard, if you have the gall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Oh it may be a handful and cute as a bun,
You'd think he'd be perfect for sexual fun,
But its hatpin-like pubic hairs prove to us all,
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all,

For sex in the bush you can fuck with a wombat,
Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat,
Or hump a goanna - go on, do it all.
But echidnas can never be buggered at all.

The wallaby's cute, the koala is cuter,
The possum plays dead when you're trying to root 'er,
The dunnart's receptive if you are in need,
And the quoll is well shaped for accepting your seed.
The platypus flirts in the mud of his pool,
And the bandicoot's passage may welcome your tool.
With the brown potoroo yes, the pleasure may pall,
And echidnas can never be buggered at all.

The spines on his back are so sharp and so thick,
You'll end up with naught but a perforate prick.
This risk to the penis has led to the call,
That echidnas must never be buggered at all!

You can bugger the gopher, the elk and raccoon,
The polar bear too, by the light of the moon.
When molesting a beaver, stand proud and stand tall,
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bandit a bison or shirt-lift a lemming,
No need for discretion, though folk are condemning.
The coyote is sexy when caught on all fours,
The puma is too, but beware of her claws.
You can bugger the grizzly in spite of its hair,
In winter, when he is asleep in his lair.
(Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall),
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

It's spines are so sharp they are bound to dismember,
Your tool, lest