Tom Waits - Tom Tales | Текст песни

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Tom Tales
Okay, alright, thank you, alright… now we can chat a bit. Okay, um, this is really weird. You know, vultures, I’ve seen a lot of vultures since I’ve entered the Texas border, a lot of vultures. The interesting thing about vultures is that, well, the reason they spend so much time in the air is because they’re so light because they eat so infrequently. So they’re mostly feathers, so a lot of times you’ll see them doing this and you’ll think “Oh, he’s probably going to land soon and eat,” but a lot of times he’s thinking to himself “How the fuck am I gonna get down there?” Now here’s the sad part and imagine if you had to make the same choice yourself. After dining, and frankly most vultures that are injured, this is according to the Bird Rescue… most vultures that are injured were injured while dining. That’s kinda sad… to be hit by a car while you’re eating, but the problem is that once they’ve landed and they’d eaten a lot, they eat so much cause they eat so infrequently, they eat so much that they can’t take off without throwing up. I know, that’s tough… so what a choice, you know, you just had a big meal and you have to lose the whole damn thing just to get back up in the sky again. I think of that all the time when I’m having hard times.

Here’s another interesting thing about them, the gas company has started using them to spot gas leaks in the field, because, well… think about it. They think it’s a dead animal but it’s just a gas leak, you know, so they gather… anyway, I find it interesting anyway. Okay, enough about me. Okay, uh, one last thing… you know during World War II, they made, this is in Germany… they made a soup, like an alphabet soup, only instead of the alphabet it was swastikas and they called it pastika soup and apparently it was very popular in Berlin. I’m sorry about that one too.

Okay, here’s something really interesting, I found interesting anyway. You know, rats don’t eat because they are hungry… they’re just grinding down their teeth, and if you don’t believe that, well… my dad found a rat in a room, a concrete room where there was absolutely nothing to eat, not even a rock… and he’d been in there for two weeks and hadn’t had nothing to eat. What happened with his lower teeth is they’d grown through the roof of his mouth and had come out through the top of his head and his uppers had gone down through his chin and they looked like a little goatee. I know, I know… it’s hard to find people that are as interested in these things as I am.

One last thing. Now, they found out that elephants in India, you know they have to wear a big bell around their necks so people know where they are all the time, and you can imagine how fucking annoying that must be, you know, especially in the middle of the night when you’re hungry. So now, elephants scoop up a big hunk of mud and they stick it in the bell to dampen the clapper and then they go off in the middle of the night and steal bananas. Pretty good.

Okay, well… we were in Oklahoma for a while, boy it’s weird in Oklahoma… well it’s weird everywhere if you think of it like that but in Oklahoma, they’ve got laws, there’s laws down there that are still on the books that they feel compelled to enforce. That’s what bothers me and I’m not traveling with an attorney so it makes it difficult, you know, you can’t wash your car on Sunday using wooled underwear, especially if you are wearing an unusual haircut. I never got the connection there between the haircut and the underwear… the other thing that’s weird is that chewing tobacco is strictly enforced, that took some getting used to. Uh, what else? You can’t photograph a rabbit in the middle of the week for some reason, it’s okay on the weekends, I guess they like it better on the weekends… I don’t get it. The other thing is you can’t eat some place that is also on fire. That really limited our choices. Okay, uh, let’s see… there’s something else, here’s another weird one… you can’t get a fish drunk in Oklahoma. They just had a lot of problems with that, they finally had to p