You always hated Christmas; you could not abide All that festive frivolousness, ate you up inside You never did see the point of a tree, all those little lights twinkling You epitomise humbuggery; meanwhile spirits sinking
Oh ho ho, this year you're not here to dampen my Christmas cheer I want choirs and angels and snow and sleigh bells And the biggest f*ck off tree Oh, this year, I've made a cake with a marzipan reindeer I'll sing and dance and wear novelty pants 'Cos there's no one to please but me
You always hated Christmas, well that's what you told me Maybe it was easier to Scrooge than to agree You'd rather stick pins in your eyes than sing noel Maybe you should stick to your guns, you do that so well. I never did see the point of your spleen and now I couldn't care less 'Cos me and the elves can take care of ourselves We wish you the season's best
Oh ho ho: this year you're not here to dampen my Christmas cheer I want lords a leaping and promises keeping - and did I mention the tree And oh, this year, I've made a cake with a marzipan reindeer I'll sing and dance in those novelty pants 'Cos there's no one to please but me.
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