George Carlin - The All-Suicide TV Channel | Текст песни

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• George Carlin
• The All-Suicide TV Channel

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Suicide is an interesting topic to me...!
...because it's an inherently interesting decision!
To decide voluntarily not to exist anymore! It's profound!
You know what it is? It's the Ultimate Makeover!
That's why I think it belongs on television!
In this depraved culture we live in...?
...with all these reality shows? Suicide and television would be a natural!
I'll bet you can have an All-Suicide channel on cable TV!
I bet you! Shit! They've got all golf! What the fuck! Huh?
Goddam! Jesus!
Do you ever watch golf? Do you ever watch golf? It's like watching flies fuck!
If you can get a bunch of brainless assholes and insist them to waste a sunny afternoon, on that kind of shit...
...you know you can get some people to watch them suicides...!
All day long! 24 hours a day! Nothing but suicides! Must-die TV!
You can get a lot of people watching that shit! You can get a lot of people volunteering to be on it, too!
Just so their friends can see them on TV! People are fucking goofy!
You can get a lot of volunteers! You can get all of them leftovers assholes on "Let's Make a Deal!"
They'll be lining up around the block! Pushing each other out the way! Putting on them funny capes and caps and headpats and make them up call themselves "Captain Suicide!"
Guys will be competing for most unusual methods! People will be jumping off them silos, lighting themselves on fire, putting rat poison on their taco...
Drinking "Mop-and-Glo", sticking mothballs up their ass...
You'd probably have some weird fuck show figure how to kill himself with dental floss and a Stinger missile!
People are fucking goofy!
I bet you could find you a married couple! In this country? Shit!
I bet you! You can find a married couple! In one of them trailer parks or something...
...who'd be perfectly willing to sit in a love seat...
...and blow each other's head off with shotguns!
...while a love song is playing! People are fucking nuts!
This country is full of nitwits and assholes! Did you ever notice that?
Oh my goodness, yes! Oh my goodness, right!
Nitwits, assholes, fuck-ups, scumbags, jerk-offs and dipshits!
...and they all vote!
They all vote, yeah! In fact, sometimes you get the impression they're the only ones who vote!
You can usually tell us they've doing the voting by looking at the fucking election returns!
Man, sure it ain't me out there wasting my time in a meaningless activity like that!
You know those people on the Jerry Springer Show? Those are the average Americans!
Oh yeah? Believe me! Below average can't get on the show!
Can't get on! Below average just sit at home watching that shit on TV!
Getting ready to go out and vote!
Filling out the sample ballot!
People are fucking dumb!
You can say what you want about this country! And I love this place! I love the freedoms we used to have...
I love it! I love that! You know?
I loved it when it didn't take a fucking catastrophe to get us to care for one another...
I love the fact that we're on camera all the time from all angles...
But you know? You can say what you want about America! I say, I love this place...
I wouldn't have it any other way, I wouldn't have any other time in history, or any other place.