George Carlin - Dumb Americans | Текст песни

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• George Carlin
• Dumb Americans

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But...Say what you want about America! Land of the free, home of the brave...
We've got some dumb-ass motherfuckers floatin' around in this country!
Dumb-ass motherfuckers! You know? Yeah!
Now, obviously, that doesn't include this audience! I understand that!
You seem intelligent and perceptive, but the rest of them... Holy jump and fucking shitballs!
Dumber than a second coat of paint!
And this ain't just rant and raving! This ain't just blowin' off steam! I've got a little evidence to support my claim!
It just seems to me, seems to me...
...that only a really low IQ population could have taken this beautiful continent...
...this magnificent American landscape, that we inherited...
Well, actually, we stole it from the Mexicans and Indians, but...
Hey, it was nice when we stole it!
Looked pretty good, it was pristine...!
Paradise! Have you seen it lately?
Have you taken a good look at it lately? It's fucking embarrassing!
Only a nation of unenlightened half-wits...
...could have taken this beautiful place, and turned it into what it is today...
A shopping mall! A big fucking shopping mall!
You know that?
That's all you've got here, folks! Mile after mile of mall after mall!
Many, many malls! Major malls and mini-malls!
They put the mini-malls in between the major malls! And in between the mini-malls they put the mini-marts!
And in between the mini-marts you've got the car lots, gas stations, muffle shops, laundromats, cheap hotels...
...fast food joints, strip clubs and dirty bookstores...!
America, the beautiful! One big transcontinental commercial cesspool!
And how do the people feel about all this? How do the people feel about living in a coast to coast shopping mall?
Well, they think it's JUST FUCKING DANDY!
They think it is cool as can be! 'Cause Americans love the mall!
They love the mall! That's where they get to satisfy their two most prominent addictions!
At the same time! Shopping and eating!
Millions of semi-conscious americans, day after day, shuffling through the malls!
Shopping, and eating! Especially eating! Americans love to eat!
They are fatally attracted to the slow death of fast food!
Hot dogs, corn dogs, triple bacon cheeseburgers, deep-fried butter dip and pork fat, cheese whiz...
mayonnaise, soup, barbecue, mozzarella, paddy malts... Americans will eat anything! Anything!
If you were selling sautйd racoon assholes on a stick...!
Americans would buy them and eat them!
...especially if you dip them in butter and put a little sauce on them!
This country is big time, pig time!
Forget the bald eagle! You know what the national emblem of this country ought to be?
A big bowl of macaroni and cheese!
A big bowl! 'Cause everything in this country is king-size!
King-size, extra-large and super-jumbo! Especially the fucking people!
Have you seen some of the people in this country? Have you taken a good look at some of these big, fat motherfuckers walking around?
Big, fat motherfuckers?
Oh, my god! Huge piles of redundant protoplasm!
Lumbering through the malls, like a fleet of interstate buzzards!
The people in this country are immense! Massive bellies! Monstruous thighs and big fat fucking asses!
And if you stand there for a minute, you look at one of them and you begin to wonder...
"How does this woman take a shit?"
"How does she shit?"
And even more frightening, "How does she wipe her ass?"
"Can she even locate her asshole?"
She must require assistance!
"Are paramedics trained in this field?"
And standing right next to her, of course, with a plate full of nachos and a mouthful of pie...
...her clueless fucking h