George Carlin - Autoerotic Asphyxia | Текст песни

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• George Carlin
• Autoerotic Asphyxia

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Especially these young boys...
...these adolescent men, and a lot of them, you know? A lot of them...
They kill themselves when they're jerking off...!
They don't mean to! It just happens!
You know about that? Yeah! Some of you know! I can tell!
A lot of people don't know that! A lot of people never heard of that, you know? It's just one of those things Americans can't handle!
"We can't handle that! We don't talk about that!"
It's not on "Larry King" "Laverne Dane" and "Barbara Walters!" You ain't gonna see it in People magazine, but it's out there, folks...
It's out there! And it's extremely common!
You just ask any teenage boy you know, who trusts you!
Ask him what he knows or what he's heard about...
...cutting off your air supply just at the moment you're about to have a sexual release...
He is gonna tell you an interesting story or two! The kids call it "scarfing", 'cause some of them use scarfs to do it!
Or screw the kids! Just get on the internet! Do it yourselves! Google in the words "auto erotic asphyxia!"
"Auto erotic asphyxia", is the practice...
...of cutting off the oxygen to the brain at the last moment during masturbation in order to heighten the orgasm...
and when I say "common"... A thousand kids a year die this way! OK?
A thousand of them die! So think how many of them are...
...trying to pull this off! If you pardon the little pun I'm throwin' in just to lighten the mood!
But here's the way it works! Apparently! I've never tried! It sounded risky to me!
Well, jerking off is all I need! You know what I mean, folks! I ain't trying to double my money! Fuck that shit!
I just jerk off, wipe off my chest, get up and go to work, you know? That's it!
Nothing fancy! At our house we're simple folk!
But here's the way it's supposed to work! And this is why it's such a big attraction in the first place!
Apparently it is true! Medically, phisiologically speaking...
...that if you can cut off your air supply, the oxygen to your brain...
...just at the moment you're about to have an orgasm, the orgasm is about...
...I don't know! Let's say 500 times better! Something like that! It's incredibly intense!
So, what you gotta do, is stand up on a chair, or bucket, or some kind of thing...
...you put a rope around your neck, and you start jerking off...!
And while you're pulling your pod, you have to arrange...
...to almost strangle yourself just before you have an orgasm...
And by the way, while all this activity is going on, you gotta maintain a hard-on!
...which ain't easy, 'cause you might just be getting ready to buy the farm...
...so you'd better be fantasizing about someone you really like...!
...or some thing you really like, I don't know what that my be! Maybe getting fucked in the ass by a Game Warden, who knows?
Hey, I'm not here to judge! You are all different! To each his own!
So let's recap...!
Standing on a chair, rope around your neck, peter in your hand...!
Now you have to time it just right!
So that before you come, you almost die!
And sometimes you miscalculate...!
You don't know if you're coming or going!
No way to know! No way to know!
And the parents of these kids are to embarrassed to tell the police! So the put the kid's dick away and they say: "He had poor grades!"
"His girlfriend left him!" "Oh, well, no wonder, lady! Look at his fucking hobbies!"
Then they blame it on Heavy Metal, you know! I don't know if you remember that, but from that old incide