LeFou: Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're everyone's favorite guy Everyone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's For there's no man in town half as manly perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
LeFou and Chorus: No one's been like Gaston A king pin like Gaston
LeFou: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
LeFou and Chorus: My what a guy, that Gaston! Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou: Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips
Chorus: No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston
LeFou: In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Bimbettes: For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston: As you can see I've got biceps to spare
LeFou: Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Gaston: That's right! And every last inch of me's covered with hair
Chorus: No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou: In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston: I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptoooie!
Chorus: Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs ev'ry morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus: No one shoots like Gaston Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston!
Gaston: I use antlers in all of my decorating!
Chorus: My what a guy, that Gaston! Reprise Gaston: LeFou I'm afraid I've been thinking
LeFou: A dangerous pastime...
Gaston: I know. But that wacky old coot is Belle's father And his sanity's only so-so. Now the wheels in my head have been turning Since I looked at that loony old man See, I promised myself I'd be married to Belle And right now I'm evolving a plan!
If I... (whispers)
LeFou: Yes?
Gaston: Then we... (whispers)
LeFou: No, would she?
Gaston: (whispers) Guess!
LeFou: Now I get it!
Both: Let's go! No one plots like Gaston
Gaston: Takes cheap shots like Gaston
LeFou: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston!
Gaston, LeFou, and Chorus: So his marriage we soon will be celebrating My what a guy Gaston!
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